Loving Your Rock bottomFeb 05, 2020
I am sitting in the most beautiful house, overlooking a garden next to Primrose Hill, daffodils, candle and cacao with me. The last time I stayed in this area was eight and a half years ago when I was in a residential rehabilitation centre for 3 months. I can so clearly remember the utter feelings of despair, depression, deep sadness and self hatred. Stuck on the roundabout of my disordered relationship to food, my body, substance abuse and looking for love outside of my self in many ways. All I felt in that winter was my life was over and continuing was futile.
What I didn't know was my life was just beginning (cliche as that sounds!) That a path of inner and outer transformation opened up to me in the most mysterious, winding, non-linear way and at the time, something deep inside me said yes. I am grateful with every cell of my being that I took that opportunity back when I was 22, alone and desperate. That I didn't allow myself to be quietly swallowed back into what was familiar.
Committing to what needs to be loved in us, to the history that is asking to be witnessed, to embracing the time ahead that we are deeply worthy of... seems to me to be the only real job in life. We can busy ourselves with the business of the physical world, with our jobs, families, daily dramas etc but when the external slips away, it feels truthful to ask these questions:
- How willing are we to heal the karmic handings of this life's incarnation?
- How willing are we to say 'this wounding ends with me' I will do my part in being the change I want to feel in the world?
- How willing are we to be ready to commit to the radical path of healing through love?
The healing will come calling for you at some point or another, it might have started when you were 18 or 50 but it is bound to appear and for certain, it will keep knocking until you turn to see it with honour.
Every time I meet someone who is breaking down, in process of deep surrender and change, my spirit has a small dance party, because I know that it is always the start of a divine music score waiting to be played, with all its minor and major interludes made from the healings unique signature and before this moment there was silence. Your medicine, your music, is inside you.
This is what I am seeing is happening fast and fully this year, it excites me and fills me with hope. Whatever your thing is, whatever you want to transform, whether it's a subtle up-levelling to meet your potential or life-shattering tectonic shift to blow open your world, I know it is possible, I have felt it, seen it in others and felt it myself in the never-ending unfolding.I am just a simple knock on the door to remind you it's happening. It has begun whether you know it or not. If you're in it, it's ok, you are not alone, there is a huge healing tribe of awake souls who have your back, to remind you that you belong too. Most of all you are doing so so so SO well!
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