A love song to lonelinessFeb 12, 2020
As Valentines approaches, whether it’s your thing or not, it’s hard not to think about love and where we are in relation to it.
As the ultimate love heart antidote, this letter is a love song to loneliness.
When the mind becomes narrow and the separateness around seems vast and unending. We all know that feeling of being alone. It’s quiet, so real and can be utterly life contracting. To feel lonely is the dull ache we swim in and out of, the coarse fabric of existence, we wonder why we settle for less, reach for mindless oblivion or spend our days in such fast ways. The pain of feeling lonely is real.
If you’re sensitive, like me, you will know loneliness and feel it viscerally.
It’s a theme I’ve seen coming up in the people I work with and close friends recently and it is one I know intimately myself. For sensitive beings like us, it’s an innate experience that can find us in all types of situations.We think of loneliness affecting a small, unlucky few when actually I think its wings touch us all. We all have our favourite areas where loneliness has chosen to reside. Perhaps isolation and overwhelm in your family unit, in the short gaps of your insanely busy work life, your role as a caregiver, the places of disconnection from your beloved, feeling different from others, separate from the team or community you partake in, your home life, friendships or not allowing the intimacy or relationships you deserve.
Separating ourselves and feeling different from other people seems to be the trigger, and if everyone feels or has felt lonely in one area or another why do we feel so alone!
How can we start to unpick this topic?
The story of loneliness will keep re visiting and attaching itself to a vulnerable area in your life, repetition of this will convince you that your loneliness is your fault, is you, your identity, a lacking in your lovability, your worthiness.
I see these stories roll out in myself and others, how tightly we cling to this untruth, how quick we choose to make it a certainty of our past, present and future.
There is so much fear around feeling lonely, so much shame, most people will do anything to not go there!
I have come to see loneliness as an invitation to becoming present.
I know that the depths which we feel pain is also the depths which we can open to love. The places alone-ness exists calls us to rewrite the outdated script.
Here is a KIND prescription for the next time loneliness takes you;
Soften to its grip,
Make it a practice to release the story of why you are separate,
Practice coming into the present moment,
Meeting yourself where you are,
Saying hello to your heart space and belly,
Tell yourself you feel it and your listening,
Open the portal to allow the vibration of fear and separation to dissolve into presence,
Feel the space around you precisely,
Be open to the possibility of gratitude,
See what comes …
When we are willing and ready, surrender can rush through the flood gates. Presence, awareness, being, can fill your energy body, your mind and soothe those aching gaps.
This is Love in action. When we allow it to take us, and embrace us in its oneness. Awareness, the ultimate healer.
So many words that merely point to the experience, it’s really something we all have to explore for ourselves.
This place of being and giving time and space to the moment is no easy task, it’s a brave road, it takes guts and courage to face ourselves and untangle the ball of what is truth and what is non-truth. It can lead to a full restructure of identity and who we think we are and most of all it’s potent, making space for the mystery to enter is a very powerful thing to do.
If this feels too much or unrelatable then work on the physical plane first and then go back to the energetic.
Practical suggestions for those who are currently feeling loneliness in there life;
Surround yourself with people and places that make you feel good about yourself,
Stop looking for love in places that affirm your unlovability.. I wish we could all stop doing that,
Identify where you feel safe and a part of,
Invest in those groups, communities and friendships that support you,
Be open to supporting in return,
If you don’t know who or where these people are yet, the world is a huge place!
Trust you will find it, sometimes it’s right around the corner,
Be open to making new opportunities for connection - on all levels,
Ask for help, talk to your loved ones ,
Allow yourself to be vulnerable in sharing how you feel,
Make things, create, play music, dance, write, sign,
Uplift and invite in the energy of joy
And if lonely comes back, maybe at night when you can’t sleep, on your commute, or in the stillness of your day
Love it, hug it in, self-sooth whatever inner part of you is calling out for more kindness
Because we are all so lovable! I know this is true, because I see it in everyone, we are all the same.
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